Since the Norwegian government decided that buying sex will be illegal for Norwegians anywhere on Mother Earth from 1 January 2009, a potlatch debate featuring ‘experts’, moralists, misogynists and misandrists have filled the national and regional papers.

Being made redundant in January is not a rosy start to the New Year. It would have made sense then- if prostitutes would be the loudest shouters in the debate (links in Norwegian only) on a law that will make payment for sexual acts a criminal offence- while selling it will remain legal.

What to say? Good luck next time girls and boys, we cannot risk nuance?

Norwegians are too much in love with ranters, those huggable generalising media shouters who boil things down to naked ‘facts’ and make our intricate bubble lives more comprehensible.

High-brow ranters in fierce competition for column space have been spoiling us for the last two weeks, feeding us with unpayable quotes to spice up our lunch breaks.

Not surprisingly, one candidate was just a little bit more sparkly than the others—– drum roll—–the unstoppable Mads Larsen.

Sexual pariah caste

Thank God for Mads Larsen, finally an author who knows how to turn sticky taboos into coffee table chitchat, speaking out on behalf of the ‘sexual pariah caste’ in Aftenposten, the biggest- selling broadsheet in Norway.

Now that is a bit rude you might think, to call prostitutes sexual pariahs? Is that really speaking their case?

Luckily indefeasible Larsen was not referring to them. How important are they anyway? Lets clear those streets from ‘unwanted visual elements’ and start addressing the real victims in this case: The poor punters.

How could I have been so wrong?

One can only praise the unsubduable Larsen again, as he eagerly explains the real reasons for the new law.

Prevent trafficking? Freshening up of Norway’s puritanist moral standards? No, this is about something much more important.

Make a punter happy

Mads tells us how criminalising the punter is just another step towards castrating the male heterophile sexuality, which he promptly states in Aftenposten; has so little value that you can give it away for Christmas.

And we can only fear the future, as he continues to warn us: “The force of male sexual frustration can hardly be underestimated”.

Unassainable Larsen dares not give us his prophesy on the fatal consequences of the “closing down of society’s safety relief valve”.

Acting on the warnings of astute Larsen and for the sake of national security, I therefore urge the masses:

Make a sad Norwegian punter happy for Christmas- spread your legs.

But to all you warm-hearted do-gooders out there: “Those drinks are on me” are by-gones, as of 1 January 2009 no form of payment is allowed.