Charleston and Red Bull- It’s a Christmas party!

Ass grabbing, photocopying genitals, lampshade on heads, gravy- covered beer guts, flashing ties and illuminated reindeer earrings- those are well- known signs of Christmas as thousands of offices around the country get their Christmas parties into full swing.

I got invited to Red Bull’s staff Christmas bash in Shoreditch this weekend- only to find those treasured Christmas rituals to be out of fashion.

Slick doorman welcomes slick guest
Slick doorman welcomes slick guest. Photograph: Karoline Hjorth

Hidden in the epicentre of East London’s Hipstertown, Village Underground is far from paper- clothed buffets and Christmas carol karaoke bliss.

Popping out from their ping pong- tabled meeting rooms and playground built office spaces, staff from all over the country have come to celebrate another hard working year for the pushers of nonalcoholic caffeinated liquid.

Catwalk- strutting waiters welcome the 300 guests with their brightest colgate smiles, trays of finger food and cocktails that “give you wings“.

“Mince pie? Sorry darling, but have a canapé and get yourself a champbull“.

Hundreds of twenty- and thirty-somethings get their smiles fixed with Champagne and Red Bull cocktails as they enter the 1920s- style dancehall, designed to escape a gloomy economic horizon.

Drink up and dance

Just like any other Christmas party the inhouse entertainment have a clear party boosting strategy:

“We’ll give those dancing shoes a few rounds in the open bar…”

Just as the mind wanders off to images of  MDs revealing their inner moonwalk passion, Leila MacMillan’s dance ensemble pull us back to Red Bull reality:  “…and  then we’ll get the Charleston going”.

Ella Robson demonstrates how charleston is the new moon walk.
Ella Robson demonstrates how Charleston is the new moon walk. Photograph: Karoline Hjorth.

Ella Robson is one of the six dancers hired to get the crowd moving, and after hours of rehearsing it is too tempting to ask what keeps her going:

“No, I don’t drink Red Bull but I am on a constant diet of coffe, cigarettes, apples and vodka”, she explains.

Make- up artist Malika Causier paints her lips red and sends her out to tease the minglers.

Blondes, Madonna and the roaring twenties

The credit crunch might ravage the nation, but penny- pinching is not an issue when Red Bull goes festive.
Where other companies trust their loyal staff to book  tables at the local pub, Red Bull trust Blonde Productions to do their party planning.
Managing director Lora Lutostanska and her sister Alex are used to throwing parties and have organised events for Madonna, BBC and MTV.

“This is our second Red Bull event and the 1920s theme goes really well with some of Red Bull’s 2008 campaigns”, says Lora.

Karoline Hjorth.
Blonde Productions sisters Lora and Alex Lutostanska get a final touch from the make- up artist. Photograph: Karoline Hjorth.

“It’s been fun”, they confirm before sliding into the crowd.

Despite eager observation I could not spot a single air guitar performer nor hear “Last Christmas”  being played once during my five hours of eager observation.
A trustworthy source has it DJ Curly Perm, in love with himself and his impeccable cream suit, has been made redundant and replaced by wild-and-woolly 1920s jazz and The Correspondents.

On the hunt for fake mistletoes, snogging employees and general misbehavior, I end up at a table where the hip crowd is playing blackjack.

One of the women is sipping a yellow-colored drink, and the question  is unevitable: “Is it eggnog?”

A moment of innocent Christmas party spirit lights up the room until the sipping red lips reply: “Honey, it’s Bellini. Do you want some?”

Savage TV: The great journey and the irresistible ’Other’

Norwegian Broadcasting Association sent three Norwegian families to live with indigenous peoples for three weeks and ended up offering a reality show suspiciously similar to the human zoos of old colonial exhibitions.

Popularised TV anthropology is a risky sport, especially when 19th century ideas of human beings in their “natural” state reach primetime TV.

Every Saturday for the last 12 weeks NRK has offered their average 800.000 weekly viewership ”insights” into indigenous tribes in Namibia, Indonesia and Ecuador.

NRK’s Den store reisen (The great journey) is the Norwegian version of New Zealand’s Ticket to the tribes, Belgium’s Toast Kannibaal (Cheers, cannibal) and UK’s Tribal Wife.

All of these TV channels filmed the same indigenous groups and presented variations on the same theme: Find the last people in the wild and live with them.

Den store reisen invited us to follow the Prøis family and their neon- coloured suitcases when they moved in with the Waoranies in Banemo, Ecuador.

NRK’s online program description informs us on the “warlike Waorani tribe deep down in the Amazon”, while a fact box further down states that Waoranies “go around naked; men’s penises are tied up by a chord around their waists”.

What NRK never informed their viewers of, but what Ny Tid (New Times) revealed shortly after the broadcast of the first episode, was that the production team had asked the Waoranies not to wear “western clothes” during filming.

’Naked’ bloggers

Laura Rival from the Centre for International Development at Oxford University has studied the Waoranies since 1989.

She explained in Ny Tid how the Waoranies take their clothes off for tourists and reality shows but live under much more complex and modern conditions than what is presented in the series.

According to Rival, Waorani houses have TV sets and laptops and the palm tree hut shown in the series is normally only used for parties or cooking.

“This type of staged documentary is supposed to display differences and to make it more thought-provoking”, was Nark’s production manager Per Edstrom’s defence to the claim that NRK makes Waorani more different to Norwegians than they really are.

“It is after all a collision between two very different ways of life”, he told Ny Tid.

Waorani life might have changed but NRK makes sure our perception of the wild and untouched tribal life remains.

The great “savage”

On the Siberut island of Indonesia we get to know of the Alsos family and their adventures with the Mentawais.

Miners, loggers, and petroleum companies might be fighting for their land, but we would never know from watching Den store reisen.

“See how happy they seem, they have no worries”, said the Alsos family during the first episode.

When the last episode had been broadcast the Norwegian family published some of their thoughts on the experience: “We never understood why we could not follow the Mentawai children when they went to school or why they never filmed them putting on clothes to go to the nearest village”, they told Aftenposten.

NRK was more interested in showing the Mentawai’s hunting and gathering techniques and “fascinating spiritual rituals”.

What all the respective versions of Den store reisen have in common is the idea that we have lost something that only the “savage” can teach us.

If this is NRK’s method of portraying different perspectives on what it is to be human, they failed tremendously.

What they have managed exceptionally well is instead to offer a one-dimensional presentation of how conceited Westerners deal with “primitive tribal circuses”, with further encouragement of regressive and culturally ignorant entertainment as a result.

Save a punter: The latest in Norway’s prostitution debate

Since the Norwegian government decided that buying sex will be illegal for Norwegians anywhere on Mother Earth from 1 January 2009, a potlatch debate featuring ‘experts’, moralists, misogynists and misandrists have filled the national and regional papers.

Being made redundant in January is not a rosy start to the New Year. It would have made sense then- if prostitutes would be the loudest shouters in the debate (links in Norwegian only) on a law that will make payment for sexual acts a criminal offence- while selling it will remain legal.

What to say? Good luck next time girls and boys, we cannot risk nuance?

Norwegians are too much in love with ranters, those huggable generalising media shouters who boil things down to naked ‘facts’ and make our intricate bubble lives more comprehensible.

High-brow ranters in fierce competition for column space have been spoiling us for the last two weeks, feeding us with unpayable quotes to spice up our lunch breaks.

Not surprisingly, one candidate was just a little bit more sparkly than the others—– drum roll—–the unstoppable Mads Larsen.

Sexual pariah caste

Thank God for Mads Larsen, finally an author who knows how to turn sticky taboos into coffee table chitchat, speaking out on behalf of the ‘sexual pariah caste’ in Aftenposten, the biggest- selling broadsheet in Norway.

Now that is a bit rude you might think, to call prostitutes sexual pariahs? Is that really speaking their case?

Luckily indefeasible Larsen was not referring to them. How important are they anyway? Lets clear those streets from ‘unwanted visual elements’ and start addressing the real victims in this case: The poor punters.

How could I have been so wrong?

One can only praise the unsubduable Larsen again, as he eagerly explains the real reasons for the new law.

Prevent trafficking? Freshening up of Norway’s puritanist moral standards? No, this is about something much more important.

Make a punter happy

Mads tells us how criminalising the punter is just another step towards castrating the male heterophile sexuality, which he promptly states in Aftenposten; has so little value that you can give it away for Christmas.

And we can only fear the future, as he continues to warn us: “The force of male sexual frustration can hardly be underestimated”.

Unassainable Larsen dares not give us his prophesy on the fatal consequences of the “closing down of society’s safety relief valve”.

Acting on the warnings of astute Larsen and for the sake of national security, I therefore urge the masses:

Make a sad Norwegian punter happy for Christmas- spread your legs.

But to all you warm-hearted do-gooders out there: “Those drinks are on me” are by-gones, as of 1 January 2009 no form of payment is allowed.